maybe not really the sentiment to be recording for posterity in my own handwriting, but

I applied for a job at a business process outsourcing company on 6 January, and to my complete and total shock was hired that same day, after going through a series of interviews and tests. Basically they think I have the foundation skills necessary for the job at hand, and that means that they were going to hire me and train the actual job skills itself into me, and that’s what I’ve been doing the past week. It involves listening and it also involves speaking. But — and this is what triggered the earlier post on emotional labor — this seems to be a job where being detached and being cold and competent are actually prized! I may have lucked out. But that means that I have to apply myself, and actually learn the job skills that the work requires, because if I wash out of training it will all have been for nothing and I will feel like a great big useless pile of scrap.

I guess right now, the fly in the ointment would be one of the other people who are in training with me. I mean, I have rarely seen someone so entitled, bossy, pushy, and above all profoundly ignorant. I am all right with people who have no choice but to be ignorant if it means that they want to learn, that they want to understand, and that they want to improve themselves.

But this person revels in their shameless and absolute ignorance, that I wound up writing something to this effect in my little black notebook:

I am not sustained by a positive attitude; I am sustained by rage.

Because maybe I am envious, I’m not above admitting that I do have my crippling problems when it comes to being part of the crowd, part of the herd, part of the baa baa baa flock. There are days when complete and total anonymity might be useful. There are days when it might be nice to be Regina George, to be the queen bee, to be the absolute and undisputed leader of the clique. There is no doubt in my mind that this profoundly ignorant person perceives themself to be the absolute top in the world, and that seems to be a self-esteem thing, which must be nice to have.

Then again.

Illustration one of this person’s profound and proud ignorance. Another member of the group is on hormone therapy, because this person is transitioning from the gender they were born with to their preferred/chosen gender. So guess what ignorant bee does? Ask the transitioning person if they had fucked the “opposite sex”. Unfortunately I could not storm out of the room when I heard that question. Unfortunately I could not open the nearest set of windows in order to defenestrate the idiot who asked such an unfeeling, insensitive, and above all busybody question.

(No doubt ignorant bee would have absolutely blown their top had I ventured to ask the exact same question, expecting an immediate answer as ignorant bee had of the other member of the group. That is a personal matter! And it’s not, to the person who was the unfortunate recipient?)

It quite possibly only cemented my private opinion of ignorant bee when ignorant bee proclaimed that they were in favor of the asshole currently occupying the office of the President of the Philippines — only two breaths after relaying the story that someone they knew had been summarily executed by the police as a result of using illegal drugs. It was like listening to any and every version of Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes novels, only Moriarty would probably take my head for the comparison to such a sociopathic ignoramus. There was no compassion at all in ignorant bee’s voice. There was no human feeling at all, despite the fact that ignorant bee had personally known the person who had been executed. Ignorant bee knew that executed person, had probably kept up the social front of being “friends” — and then dismissed that executed person’s death, with the general underlying current of how that person didn’t deserve to go on living any longer.

What certainty! What absolutely incorruptible morals! What astute judgement!

/sarcasm

I may be jumping to conclusions here, but I get the insistent feeling that ignorant bee would not care one fucking iota if I were to be summarily executed. Or the person in the group who plans to undergo gender reassignment surgery. We are profoundly “other” to ignorant bee. We should not exist, according to ignorant bee, except only as things to gawp at, like exhibits at the zoo.

I. I want to do anything and everything possible to pass the training course so I don’t have to spend any more time than I have to, with someone so odious and so disturbingly common in terms of the society and the culture that I now live in.

Is it mean of me to hope ignorant bee washes out of training? Likely. So yeah, I can be mean and petty like ignorant bee. I just hope I am not like that person, like, all the time, because what a drag that would be, and what an awful shit I would be.

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